Identities play a crucial role in achieving our goals, resolving emotional problems, and enabling spiritual development. While many methods address negative states and emotions, few tackle the identities from which these states originate. Negative thoughts and emotions themselves aren't the problem—the problem arises when we identify with them. Most people have experienced depression, but not all become "a depressed person."
This distinction is important: emotions we experience are temporary, but identities represent something permanent—who or what we believe we really are. A person identifying as "depressed" will make new decisions and form conclusions that reinforce this identity and recreate a reality producing additional suffering.
Consider someone stuck in the identity of "a child." This person will struggle to perform their job well, constantly seeking advice from others. They'll also find it difficult to maintain healthy, equal relationships. Similarly, someone trapped in the identity of "a successful person" won't handle defeats well. Yet we need to experience both success and failure—failures often teach us more, and they're inevitable in life. If we never fail, it simply means we aren't growing.
Many view the identity of "a strong person" as desirable. However, we shouldn't become stuck even in this seemingly positive identity. Why? Because it may lead us to do everything ourselves, carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders instead of developing the ability to delegate.
We can think of identities as clothes we wear. We put them on for specific occasions with particular goals: to stay warm, to feel comfortable, to support our body, or to present ourselves in a certain light. When we get home, we take off our clothes because we understand we aren't our clothes. The problem occurs when we get stuck—unable to remove these identities—and forget what's underneath and who we truly are. Over time, it becomes increasingly difficult to take off old identities or put on new ones.
I conclude that identities are the root cause of our emotional problems and suffering. Together with suppressed thoughts and emotions, they form the building blocks of our ego—our apparent separation from the whole. An identity consists of a point of view plus a goal we want to achieve from that perspective. For example:
The identity of a "people pleaser" with a goal to gain validation from others
The identity of a "withdrawn person" with a goal to avoid humiliation
The point of view of "a person obstructed by others" with a goal of having an excuse for giving up
Problems arise when these goals are threatened. When this happens, other identities with opposing goals activate, creating internal conflicts. Each of us harbours numerous stuck identities. These unconscious, stuck, and newly active identities prevent us from exiting them and entering their needed opposites.
For instance, if a person is stuck in the unconscious identity of a "withdrawn person" (with the goal of avoiding humiliation) decides to approach a potential new partner, this identity will actively sabotage his efforts to assume a new identity more suitable for meeting her. The possibility of rejection and humiliation upon approaching the prospective partner directly opposes the goal of their stuck identity.
Stuck identities activate when their goals are threatened. What we ultimately want is the freedom to assume any identity appropriate for a given situation.
Working with identities is particularly relevant for addressing addictions. Many addicts quit their addiction but don't clear the identity of "an addict," which is why they relapse even after twenty or thirty years of sobriety. We all know people who stop smoking but start binge eating, or who stop using drugs but become addicted to sex. Their identity as an addict hasn't vanished—they've merely replaced the object of their addiction. That's why clearing the identities and decisions causing addiction is so important.
To permanently resolve our problems, we must integrate stuck identities. This is what we accomplish with emotional release systems, and what we do in my programs. We clear suppressed thoughts, emotions, and identities. As a result, we enjoy a better quality of life and feel more whole. And that is what we truly want.